I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
