sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
