I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
