do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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