you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
