I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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