She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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