I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
