i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
