I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
