he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
