pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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