we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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