i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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