Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
