I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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