none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
