Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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