She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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