I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
