I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Life is so much better after having sex.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
