ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
