half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
