Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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