Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
