I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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