i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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