A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
