dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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