omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
