Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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