last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
