How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
