I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
