I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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