one might say we're banned from that church
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize