im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
