I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
