Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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