found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
