i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
