lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize