Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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