Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
