Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
