Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
