I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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