i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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