maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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