Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
