I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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