Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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