you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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