Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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