Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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