I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
