Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
