I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
