In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
