guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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