My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
