you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize