WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
