I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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