I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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