I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
