I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize