We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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