you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize