bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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